and i was the broken one. the bound one. the blind one.

 trapped in cycles and drowned by the cyclones 

i was the epitome of the term you are your worst enemy

 i delighted in the darkness it was my home

 i got so comfortable sitting in my sadness

 i spent so long in the ocean i forgot what it felt like to breathe. 

i forgot how to walk on land.

 and the music in my head was a cacophony 

a crash of sounds. a symphony of sadness sound through my mind.

 memories of joy and peace decrescendo. anxious thoughts plague me. 

overthinking takes harmless phrases and stretches them out-legato.

 this music in my mind mocks me 

i cannot remember when my mind was at peace

 this is how the darkness works 

taking what is precious to you twisting it ‘till

 at the sound of its name you recoil into a corner

 my body. it betrayed me.

 i'm still struggling to see body and think beauty and treasure-precious

 i am not who i was when i first entered this world 

this metamorphosis hasn't been pretty

 i had innocence and purity forcefully carved out of me

 what do you do when your body isn't yours anymore?

 when there's a hole in you and you’re no longer whole

 i tried to fill it and this is how addiction came

 but one day He came 

when i thought it was all over. when i had given up.

He called me by my name and suddenly I remembered

He called me 

sang the song of deliverance over me 

danced the dance of freedom around me 

in His love the guilt and shame burned 

in His presence pain peeled away

 in His light the darkness disappeared

 and when I looked at Him nothing else mattered

because nothing compared to Him 

when I looked at him I realized they could be no other besides Him 

He led me on a journey 

a journey to becoming a revolution

now it is time for you to go through it too