I Am Out With Lanterns Looking for Myself

Currently listening to: Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridges

I deleted social media about 2 months ago. Well, kind of. I still have YouTube. Unfortunately, I can’t quit it cold turkey. However, I did delete Instagram, which is for the lack of better words “My Shayla.” (comment if you get the reference.)

For those of you who know me, this is quite a big deal. I absolutely adore Instagram. It’s my bread and butter, as evidenced in the plethora of accounts that I possess. One personal, one for my poetry and writing, one spam account, and one for my podcast with my friend. (No, I won’t share the name). I am pretty immersed in the social media realm. In many ways, it has been beautiful. The ability to connect with people that I am not physically present with. It also feeds my nosy side, seeing what is going on in people’s lives and finding out if the guy I am attracted to has a girlfriend. However, in other ways, it has been horrible for me. The comparison game is lethal, and I often find myself scrolling for hours. It’s terrible.

When I was reflecting on the goals I had for this year, I realized two things. I would need to change my routine, and social media would have to go. I want to work on a plethora of things, and honestly, comparison and distraction would be my biggest enemy. I think if I could sum up all of my goals in a concise statement. It would be best said in the words of Emily Dickinson.

“I am out with lanterns looking for myself.”

Hence the title. This year I believe is a year of self-discovery. Finding out more about what I like, what I want for my relationships, how to make room for all of the varying interests in my life, and learning to trust myself. I want so many things for this year, to discover different aspects of my personality, new hobbies, new interests, new favorite books, new music, and my new style. As I was reflecting on all the aspirations I have for this year, I kept thinking of how I could possibly do all that with how many things I had going on. As I was thinking about that, my weekly update of my screen time popped up, and I cringed heavily. I felt convicted immediately. There was a bulk of the time I was looking for — staring straight at me.

So, I resolved to quit Instagram indefinitely. It has been wonderful. Grounding, and less difficult than I thought it would be, which is a relief. My friends do keep me updated on the very important information (like an ND football player getting engaged). In all seriousness, it has opened up so many more pockets of time for me to do other things. Cue you all getting 3 blogs in less than a year. I hope that as I develop more discipline and better time management skills, it can open up more opportunities for me, to dedicate to my more creative pursuits. Maybe… more than 8 YouTube videos in a year. I know, I know, very ambitious.

Joking aside, this has been an amazing experience for me, and every day, I feel like I am returning closer and closer to myself. For those of you, who don’t get that reference. Go ahead, and read my last blog!

Until next time,

Ciao!

Currently listening to: Dear Icarus by Anne Mariam Brown, Isaac J. Brown, Antonio Cipriano