On Turning 18
In exactly one week I will be 18. This thought makes me want to simultaneously cringe, hurl, and squeal. Maybe a few years ago, in my boy crazy era, I would have been super excited to turn “legal” and just date Michael B. Jordan already. But now I am like what’s so exciting about paying taxes, bills, rent, and every expense under the universe that has been covered. Part of me wants to find a provider as quickly as possible, if you catch my drift.
“I am not a cynical Cindy about adulthood.”
However, I don't want to lie and say I have completely matured and become a cynical Cindy about “adulthood.” I am excited. I am excited for more freedom, whatever that means I’m just told we get it. I am excited for the experience and the new adventures that this era will bring. But right now, a lot of my excitement is mixed in with a lot of anxiety, and unease. I know what some of the adults are probably thinking “Chill. You’re just 18. You’ll figure it out.” And I know that that is the logical answer, and that everyone had to figure out, and that 18 is just the beginning. But, I am a painful perfectionist, and I want to get it right the first time, and right away. Ugh!
Anyways, I am excited and scared and nostalgic. I know after I turn 18, I still have a whole six months till high school is over. But, I feel like turning 18 shuts the door on childhood, and I feel like I am closing a book I wish would have been longer, that the grace period you are given as a child is gone once you turn 18. I have always been afraid of change. Very drastic and life-changing changes occurred suddenly over the years causing it to feel like just when I anchored and settled, the ground was moving and shaking beneath my feet again. Recently, I have to come to terms with how I deal with and feel about change; more specifically how I have reacted to change in the past. I have had to sit and truly re-learn how I look at change.
“So I am learning to see 18, as a new adventure, a new book with bigger and better for me”
So I am learning to see 18, as a new adventure, a new book with bigger and better for me. I am trusting that I will choose wisdom from experience over making my own mistakes, but even though I make mistakes I will learn from them. But, I am not letting fear control me. Adulthood is gonna be filled with joy, laughter, freedom, love, and adventures I have never seen, but I am gonna have to take the risk to get these things. I am gonna be intentional about jumping into the unknown. I am trusting that Jesus has got me, and He’s got my heart. That He has a plan, and I have a purpose. [Saw that on Pinterest ;)] So cheers to 18! It’s gonna be the best year yet!